


I'll Hide in Your Heartbeat

by Phyrefly_from_H3LL



Category: EXO (Band), SHINee
Genre: Angst, Character Death(s), Gen, Lots of Angst, Trigger Warnings, for kyungsoo's personality at least, i think i rushed through this too fast, lmao wouldn't be the first time i fucked up a fic, lots of depressing thoughts, slight comedy, somewhat based on a few personal experiances
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-08-29 19:59:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8503390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phyrefly_from_H3LL/pseuds/Phyrefly_from_H3LL
Summary: And every time that you’re lonely, and every time that you’re feeling low, you should know, I’ll be there for you, you know.





	

**Author's Note:**

> **Length:** oneshot/13K  
>  **Rating:** PG-13  
>  **Author’s Note:** This is dedicated to my friends, who all have their own problems and rather set them aside to help others. This originally started out as a kaisoo fic and took a very sudden turn into Kyungsoo trying to figure out a mystery. Kyungsoo’s personality is inspired by personal events.

The sound rang in his ears like an ugly metronome.

 

_tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock._

 

The blood that ran down his arm earlier had dried up now, crusted and stuck to his soft pale skin. He didn’t care. He had stopped caring long ago.

 

_Tick._

 

He had been laying on the floor for about an hour and a half now, maybe he should get up. At the same time though, he didn’t want to. He didn’t have the motivation to get up right now and laying on the floor wasn’t half bad if he didn’t have a damn analogue clock.

 

_Tock._

 

That’s it, he’s going to invest in a digital clock.

Even though they don’t cost that much but he’s too lazy right now to make sense.

 

He rolled over onto his side and checked his phone, the screen bright and unnecessary. He swore the screen was brighter than his future. He didn’t have many notifications other than the spam emails that made it into his inbox and the five messages from his best friend on LINE.

 

 **illgetyoubacklufuk:** hey soo have u heard from jongin yet?  
**illgetyoubacklufuk:** he promised he would get a pic of that new pup he got  
**illgetyoubacklufuk:** y he lyin tho  
**illgetyoubacklufuk:** soo you there?  
**illgetyoubacklufuk:** :(

 

Kyungsoo scoffed at the screen, entering a half hearted reply. He was tired.

 

 **i fukd ur bitch baek:** he’s probably at practice dae

 

He turned the screen off after Jongdae sent what felt like a million of those exasperated sighing emojis and a “whatever” followed by unnecessary stickers. He knew Jongdae meant well, but he was still a little excessive, especially after he went on a sticker shopping spree with the excuse, “But they were so cute, who cares if I spent twenty bucks on them all.”

 

“What the fuck, why would you waste that much money? That’s food-buying money, dumbass.”

 

“You can’t tell me how to live my life.”

 

That was their exchange the other day and all Kyungsoo did in response was grab the last apple on the lunch table and throw it at his friend.

 

He decided since he already moved a bunch just to look at his phone that he’d might as well get up and clean himself off. The bathroom light was dull but seemed bright due to the white walls and dark tiled floor. He grabbed a rag from underneath the sink, wet it and began scrubbing.

 

_1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ... 11._

 

Eleven cuts on that arm. One more and he’d be even with the other one. He was tempted to go back and get the razor but he was feeling sluggish and didn’t want to clean up dried blood again. His arm was red from the scrubbing, not including the one angry red cut that was raised, taking its time to scab and heal itself and Kyungsoo didn’t have the patience for it so despite it stinging, he rolled his sleeve back down.

 

His mom was calling from downstairs that dinner was ready but he wasn’t hungry, so instead he decided to shoot her a text and not even a minute later she was pulling him by the ear into the dining room. Dinner was awkward, what with the post-cutting numbness still hazed in his mind and his brother and mother trying to make conversation with him, but it only ended up with one worded responses and disinterested looks. They decided to talk between themselves, and eventually after only pushing his food around on the plate, he got up to give their seven year old lab the food that he chowed down happily and sloppily.

 

His father was never in the picture—in his memories, or what remains of them—and his family always struggled financially, but after a string of bad choices his mother made and a few questionable relationships, things just spiraled down from there. She obtained a drinking problem at one point and always verbally abused him, always calling him “stupid”, “waste of space”, “a mistake”, and always tried to fight Seungsoo. When guests were around she would always brag about Kyungsoo’s singing skills, but once their backs were turned, she would go right back to treating him like shit.

 

He used to wonder why she would do this. “It’s your fault, it’s always your fault and always will be,” is what she used to tell him, and that phrase is burned so deep into his mind that he’s begun to believe it too. And since Junmyeon always wanted to be a therapist, he would try to talk to Kyungsoo about his problems at home but the younger would always shine him on. He didn’t need counseling was his reasoning, and after a few stressful events only recently is when he took up cutting.

 

He was afraid to tell anyone about it, thinking they would tell him he’s just looking for attention, but he put his faith in Jongdae and told him not too long ago.

 

“And you weren’t going to tell me? Oh my god, Soo… Are you sure you’re okay?” His face showed genuine concern, but Kyungsoo didn’t want to bother him with anymore of his problems so he shook Jongdae’s hand away from his arm and rolled his sleeve down again. And his usual “I’ll be fine” was never left out.

 

As a child he had multiple thoughts about disappearing, either just from home or off the face of the earth, but the underlying fear of death and of failing consumed him so he never acted upon his thoughts, though there were multiple tries at trying to suffocate himself that only ended in muffled crying, because if he didn’t stay quiet he would’ve gotten yelled at again.

 

A ping brought him back to reality and he checked his phone. He knew it was a LINE message because of the specific notification ringtone, and he just assumed it was Jongdae spamming him with pics of Pororo again with the caption “it’s ur man ;)”. Instead it was Jongin, much to his surprise.

 

 **Jongetsome:** hyung I’m back from practice •^•

 

Kyungsoo’s face broke into a smile, happy that he’s back even though he was only gone for about an hour and a half.

 

 **i fukd ur bitch baek:** Hey wb, how was practice, learn any new sex moves?  
**Jongetsome:** O don’t you know it ;)))))  
**Jongetsome:** btw is dae still whining abt those puppy pics bc he ain’t getting them any time soon  
**i fukd ur bitch baek:** Don’t torture him like this or else he’ll start annoying me  
**i fukd ur bitch baek:** and if he does that then im kicking ur ass tomorrow  
**Jongetsome:** :(

 

It was usually banter like this back and forth between them and in their group chat, and it made Kyungsoo’s life a little bit better. Kyungsoo liked Jongin, and whether someone took that in a platonic, romantic, or a sexual sense, he didn’t care. He knew in some way or another he genuinely liked Jongin and he didn’t want him to ever leave from his life. The group chat grew lively once Jongin announced of his return.

 

 **Jongetsome:** Hello peasants  
**illgetyoubacklufuk:** JONGIN WHERE IS THAT DOG  
**Strawberry boi:** calm down dae holy shit  
**illgetyoubacklufuk:** I am not going to calm down you cum slut  
**Strawberry boi:** l i s t e n  
**i fukd ur bitch baek:** can all of u stfu you’re giving me a headache  
**Galaxy Dragon:** satan’s gonna whoop ur asses  
**i fukd ur bitch baek:** starting with you, wu fuck face :)

 

The chat went on well past midnight, and Kyungsoo didn’t know when it was he fell asleep, but when he blinked his eyes open again, it was time for him to get up, get dressed, and get to school. He’d see most of the people that are in their chat except three of them, since they’re in China and one of them is a foreign exchange student from China but you know, details don’t concern him as long as they can all understand each other.

 

“Hey there, Pororo hoe, how’s it going?” Baekhyun slapped Kyungsoo’s back, causing his glasses to shift on his face and Baekhyun flinching because Kyungsoo is ready to fight him. Jongdae’s laughter could be heard from a mile away, watching the exchange from their usual lunch table with Jongin, who was focused on getting the highest score possible on Flappy Bird, even if it wasn’t available on the Apple Store anymore. It was their usual morning, Baekhyun and Jongdae being annoying shits and being all over each other but “no homo”, and Kyungsoo suppressing his urge to strangle both of them because then that would mean detention or Saturday school or whatever the fuck kind of punishment they had for strangling your friends.

 

And as usual, the last few of their friends trickled in minutes before the bell rang to start school. Junmyeon rushed in with an apple in his mouth and forgetting it was there and trying to explain that he woke up late before Baekhyun snatched the apple away from him. Minseok, the only senior in their group of friends, came in after his usual morning practice at soccer, Sehun walking in fashionably late with his usual unnecessary sunglasses indoors and a cup of bubble tea that he never seems to be without, and Yixing finally walking in after taking too long at piano practice.

 

Even though it had been a while since the incident, Kyungsoo can’t help but always notice the empty space next to Baekhyun where Chanyeol used to sit. They would always be attached at the hip like siamese twins, doing everything together no matter what it was.

 

But that was before he died getting hit by a car.

 

Everyone had their own way of grieving, and Kyungsoo assumed Baekhyun’s way was to be comforted in ways Chanyeol would’ve comforted him, but the only one who knew him well enough to do that was Jongdae. More likely than not they’ve gotten together, on multiple occasions, but they’d never admit it. The others went through ordinary grieving methods; crying, trying to stay strong, and disbelief, but Jongin was different. He seemed out of it, not that he didn’t believe it, but he accepted it quicker that what was normal and Kyungsoo felt like he was missing out on something.

 

Either way he had to shake the thoughts from his head and focus on today. Human interaction alone will drain him mentally, so he really had to focus. The bell rang and they made their way to class, heading in different directions and Kyungsoo was all alone again. All alone to his thoughts, to watching everyone, to his seat at the back of the room, to his failing grade in this class that he would probably get his ass beat if his mother saw them.

 

He couldn’t bother to keep working hard if all motivation in his life was depleting, draining out his emotions until he was nothing but an empty shell doing everything everyone told him without a second thought or objection. Sounded about right, nobody would say anything against it.

 

Ah, another urge. And at this time, which wasn’t helping the fact he also had a test to take that he didn’t, or never, studied for. Even if he tried to do his best he knew he was going to fail, so he wrote his name and answered them all in odd patterns and put his head down.

 

He didn’t want to be here.

 

Three classes and more headaches later lunch rolled around and Kyungsoo plopped himself down at their table and would’ve smacked his head against it if Jongdae didn’t put his bag in front of him before he did. Little fucker knew him too well.

 

“More tests?” He asked, looking sympathetically at the younger. Kyungsoo only sighed, putting his head down on his friend’s bag and it was surprisingly comfortable. Jongin came by the table and put his lunch in front of Kyungsoo with a soft smile.

 

“Here’s lunch, hyung. I’m not hungry,” he muttered before he left again. Kyungsoo never knew where he went to before lunch, but he’d always come back halfway through with a kind of pained expression and a bit sensitive when it came to touching. The back of Kyungsoo’s mind screamed at him that he knew what it was, but he didn’t want to believe it for fear of furthering whatever it was that bothered Jongin.

 

Kyungsoo poked at the food with the spork, not bothering to get off of Jongdae’s bag until the older shoved his face aside and pulled it out from under his chin. “Hey, if you don’t eat now, Sehun’s going to take all your food when he gets here.”

 

The raven haired groaned, deciding not to let his asshat of a friend take all of his food again and shoved half of the plate of spaghetti in his mouth with instant regret. He could feel some of the spaghetti strands slide down his throat without his permission and coughed most of it back onto the plate and swallowed whatever was left in his mouth with barely any chewing.

 

“That’s fucking gross!” Sehun yipped with Junmyeon behind him struggling to look over his shoulder at the scene. “Jesus fuck, why would you even do that?”

 

“So your fat ass won’t eat it all again,” Kyungsoo retorted, stabbing at the spit up spaghetti and briefly wondering if he should eat it again. He shrugged his shoulders to himself and took a civilized spoonful into his mouth. Jongdae gave him a look of repulsion.

 

“I swear if I puke, I’m going to puke all over you.” Sehun sat down with a heavy sigh, taking out his usual cup of bubble tea (seriously, where did all of these come from??) and sipping the straw irritatingly loudly. Junmyeon put his bag down and went to go get lunch right when Yixing arrived, so it left the table with the two freshmen staring daggers at each other and the one sophomore trying not to make a joke about the sexual tension they didn’t know they were creating.

 

“What are you fucktards even doing?” a voice quipped, plopping himself down next to Jongdae with a plate of tacos. “I swear, one more second of staring at each other and you two will probably start making out.”

 

Kyungsoo imitated throwing up and went back to his spaghetti while Sehun scoffed. “As if anyone would want to make out with him, he just ate his own coughed up spaghetti.”

 

“He doesn’t waste food, and I’d do the same,” Baekhyun replied before taking in a mouthful of his taco. “Besides,” he continued without chewing his food, “the spaghetti here isn’t half bad, but still not amazing as these tacos.”

 

“You only like those tacos because you’ve never had tacos before.”

 

“Wouldn’t you eat the hell out of some good ass if you just tapped it?”

 

Jongdae gave Baekhyun a pointed look. “That’s not even the same kind of comparison, what is wrong with you?”

 

Baekhyun just smiled and continued to eat his taco.

 

Kyungsoo questioned why he was friends with them to begin with, but then he remembered the time Chanyeol and Baekhyun agreed to be his slaves if he didn’t tell the others about them boinking in the closet but he still told them anyway, and then proceeded to treat them as his slaves.

 

He remembered the time they all met, when his middle school had visited the high school campus for upcoming freshmen. Sehun was in his grade level due to the fact he skipped first grade, while Jongin had been from a different school. The students scattered about to look at all the different clubs the high school had, and Kyungsoo had entered the music club room, only to be greeted by his present group of friends. Jongdae, Chanyeol, and Baekhyun were freshmen, all almost the same height as each other, while Junmyeon was a sophomore and Minseok was a junior. Yixing hadn’t transferred in from China until the next school year had started, and standing by Minseok were Jongin and Sehun, who were listening as Minseok explained the basics of the club.

 

Even after they all came into the school the next year, there weren’t enough people to call it a club and was suspended until more members joined, but that didn’t stop the small group from hanging out with each other after school. Yixing introduced his old friends, Yifan, Han, and Zitao, to the new group over LINE and that’s how they ended up where they are now.

 

Even if Kyungsoo could go back in time and change anything, he wouldn’t, excluding the fact that Chanyeol was gone. He’d try to fix that to the best of his ability if he could, but he can’t and the thought of it just made him sad.

 

He sighed and got up to throw his trash and his delicious regurgitated spaghetti away, trying to keep his mind off of the bad things for now. When he came back Jongin was there, pushing Sehun out of the way to be able to sit next to Kyungsoo. He smiled to himself at the thought of all the childish things Jongin does to be able to be near Kyungsoo, and as he sits back down Jongin greets him with the biggest of smiles.

 

“So I hear you ate shit spaghetti,” he greets.

 

“Technically, it was puke spaghetti but still great,” Kyungsoo greets back.

 

“I bet it was,” the younger chuckled. “Though I know you have very refined tastes so I stopped questioning everything you do.”

 

“I have tastes only five star restaurant connoisseurs wish they had.”

 

“Five star restaurants in third world countries, maybe,” Baekhyun said before finishing off his last taco, mumbling something about “god’s greatest gift” and “tacos”. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, grabbing Jongdae’s bag again and resting his chin on it. He kept quiet unless spoken to, preferring to listen to everyone else and laughing at their stupidity. Yixing and Junmyeon had returned to the table with a bag of McDonald’s, since the juniors and seniors were allowed to leave campus for lunch, and as the kind soul Yixing is, decided to share his fries with everyone.

 

Kyungsoo loved his friends dearly, and even if he knew that anyway, it didn’t stop him from reminding himself how much he does love them. A few more minutes and the bell rang, his next class being choir with Sehun. He only had two classes with someone he knew, which was choir and language arts, but both of them were with Sehun and somewhere in the back of his head he wished he had a class with Jongin. The two made their way to the music building and into their choir class, sitting next to each other since Kyungsoo was a tenor and Sehun was a bass. The lesson today was boring and Sehun managed to be on his phone the whole period without getting in trouble somehow, while Kyungsoo was struggling fighting sleep since the lessons were going over all the basics he knew.

 

His next class he was alone, sitting in the middle of the seats and sleep tempting ever so slightly, and soon enough, before the bell even rang to start class, he had drifted off. Hopefully his teacher would be lenient today and let him slumber.

 

A voice drifted in and out, and Kyungsoo tried so hard to listen. He could hear someone, but he couldn’t make out the word or who it was, but for some reason he felt a great warmth spread over him every time that voice spoke.

 

“Kyungsoo,” he finally heard the voice say, “Earth to Kyungsoo~!”

 

The raven haired opened his eyes, and in front of him a boy with a wide smile and big ears looked down at him. Kyungsoo wasn’t sitting in his classroom anymore; he was seated underneath a tree that the group would usually visit in the neighborhood park. Its branches shielded his eyes from the sun’s harsh rays as he craned his neck up to get a full view of the taller boy in front of him.

 

“Hey Kyungsoo, remember when I told you about my secret stash?”

 

Kyungsoo nodded. “You never told me what your stash was, anyway.”

 

The other nodded. “Mhm, but that’s for you to find out. You’re sitting on it, by the way.”

 

Kyungsoo looked down at the area of dirt he currently sat on, looking back up at the older boy with furrowed brows. “Why are you telling me this all of a sudden, anyway?”

 

The older boy gave him his best grin, dazzling and captivating, and Kyungsoo never felt more warm and safe than he did at this moment.

 

“Because the Park Chanyeol you knew was never good at keeping secrets.”

 

Kyungsoo jolted awake, looking around the class at the odd stares the rest of the kids were giving him before it registered that something was trickling down his cheeks, relentless and a little shameful before he excused himself and locked himself in the bathroom.

 

Kyungsoo was crying.

 

He didn’t bother going back to class until the bell rang so he could fetch his belongings. Shit, now everyone in that class is going to remember him as the crybaby. He shook his head, splashed his face with water and hit himself rather hard on his hip as discipline. He hated being so weak.

 

The bell rang and since his next class required him to exit the building, he just decided to skip the rest of school. Good thing his mother forgot to remind the school that they no longer have a house phone so they wouldn’t inform her of his absence. He tried replaying every detail of his dream again in his mind, but all he could remember was Chanyeol’s warm smile and comforting stare.

 

Kyungsoo didn’t even know where he was heading, he just knew he had to be alone, somewhere without human interaction. He was drained today, more so than he would usually be and he didn’t understand why. He walked alongside the street until it curved to a smaller road, leading down to the small dock area on a river. He walked along the riverbank until he was far enough from the road where no one would run into him and sat down, subconsciously letting his fingers dig into the dirt and play with the rocks. He watched the water slowly drift by, the current leading away from the road as well, like it was trying to escape civilization and carrying burdens along with it. People need to stop littering.

 

If he jumped into the river right now maybe the currents would be fast enough to carry him away before anyone found out he was missing.

 

He sighed heavily, tossing rocks into the water and staring indignantly at the way the small waves formed when the rock his the surface, only to be wiped away by the current. He couldn’t understand what was wrong with his brain today, or what that dream was about, but his heart ached quietly and thoughts raced back and forth in his mind and suddenly he was up again, slinging his bag over his shoulder and walking further along the riverbed. It wasn’t the first time he walked along the river, since curiosity got the best of him that first time and followed it to see where else it would lead him to, and a few bags of trash and two dead bodies later it led him to a small opening, an opening that he now uses as a place to clear his mind and, sometimes, practice his singing. He found the small stone pile he had set up after a few trips there before and sat down, setting his bag beside his feet and stared at the clouds. It looked like it was going to rain soon, which made Kyungsoo happy because he absolutely loved the rain and loved getting caught in the rain, but he had to be cautious, since the only way back to the city was back along the riverbed, and everytime it rained, the river would get quite scary.

 

He liked being alone, surrounded by nothing but nature because then he didn’t have to think about anything. All he would do is listen to the birds chirp and the water trickle and the wind blow, and he didn’t have to think at all. He’d usually silence his phone so he wouldn’t be disturbed, but since he had just sat down he didn’t get a chance to, and his phone went off with several dings from LINE. He let out an exasperated sigh, fishing his phone out of this bag and turning on the screen. They were all messages from Jongdae.

 

 **illgetyoubacklufuk:** hey where are u  
**illgetyoubacklufuk:** u promised we’d go to that new bookstore on the other side of town today  
**illgetyoubacklufuk:** do u not love me anymore i thot we had smth special

 

Kyungsoo was an idiot today, apparently. He had forgotten that he and Jongdae agreed that they would skip the last two periods of the day in order to get to the bookstore that opened up just a week and a half ago. Kyungsoo shot him a quick reply before getting up, grabbing his things and walking back towards the road.

 

The raven haired met up with the older boy at the bus station just a few blocks down from the school, and thankfully he made it in time before the bus could get there.

 

“Where’d you go?” Jongdae greeted him with a smile and a raised brow, curious but not entirely pushy about knowing Kyungsoo’s private life. That was one reason Kyungsoo liked being around Jongdae; the brunette was always caring, but also cautious about sensitive topics and never pushed Kyungsoo to tell him everything. He was content with what he did tell him and knew that Kyungsoo could always trust him with personal information.

 

Kyungsoo waved a dismissive hand and gave his friend a small smile. “Nowhere important, I just got really tired and needed to leave.” They left it at that. The bus came by a few minutes later, they boarded and Kyungsoo decided to take a window seat, staring at the dark clouds looming overhead and quickly settling over the city. It took about twenty minutes for the two boys to make it to the other side of town, getting off and quickly making their way along the road. The bookstore was a block away from the bus stop and the moment they set foot inside, it started pouring.

 

“Holy shit, I’m glad we made it in time,” Jongdae sighed, chuckling lightly and shaking a few stray water droplets from his hair. Kyungsoo nodded in agreement, scanning the small store and making his way over to the comics section. Jongdae followed excitedly, flipping through all the comics of Batman, Ironman, Avengers, etcetera. The raven haired wasn’t as excited as he thought he would be when they made these plans a few days ago, but he wasn’t one for complaining and instead decided to follow his friend around the store and let him be excited. Jongdae knew Kyungsoo was at the peak of his exhaustion, and took it upon himself to do all the talking. He spoke to Kyungsoo about the comics he had been waiting for, the limited edition ones he had found there, as they walked around he told the younger his opinions on some of the books they found, and even found a small manga section which featured Kyungsoo’s favorite, The Prince of Tennis.

 

They spent almost a good two hours at the store, reading and talking and exploring. By the time they were ready to leave it was still raining harshly, so the boys used their bags as shields over their heads and ran to the bus stop.

 

The bus wouldn’t be there for another 15 minutes, so they sat there and laughed at how wet they were and Jongdae decided to shake all the water out of his hair right onto Kyungsoo. The younger enjoyed this, enjoyed time with his friend, and he thought that this was a good end to the day. The bus came by, they boarded, and all the while they were quiet but content. It was still raining by the time they got off at a stop closer to their neighborhood, but not as heavily as earlier, so they decided to walk the rest of the way home.

 

Being the child he usually is, Jongdae decided to play in the water, jumping in puddles and trying to splash his best friend despite them already being soaking wet. Kyungsoo would give him a few playful pushes into the puddles every time Jongdae splashed him, which encouraged the other to splash his best friend much more vigorously. Kyungsoo had retaliated with a much stronger push and shoved Jongdae into the street. Immediate regret washed over Kyungsoo as Jongdae tripped over his own two feet, stumbling even further into the street.

 

Kyungsoo’s heart stopped.

 

It was like the world was moving in slow motion, forcing him to watch the scene unfold in front of him. The sound of the car horn pierced his ears, followed by the screech of tires against the asphalt, seemingly endless. He wanted to close his eyes, wanted to run and push Jongdae to safety, wanted to switch places so his friend didn’t have to be in the position he was currently in. The car was still moving forward, the distance between it and Jongdae closing too quickly, and Kyungsoo knew fate was going to repeat itself over and over until he was stripped of everyone he ever knew and loved.

 

Kyungsoo had finally gained control of his eyes and shut them tightly, an image of Chanyeol flashing behind his lids for a moment before all the sounds stopped.

 

Everything was quiet, way too quiet, so Kyungsoo decided to open his eyes again for better or worse. He wasn’t prepared for the sight he did see, breath releasing and body slumping forward. The man in the car was halfway out of the door, yelling obscenities at Jongdae, who was mere centimeters from the bumper, apologizing profusely before hopping back onto the sidewalk and grabbing Kyungsoo’s hand. He pulled him along, hoping the man doesn’t give chase and fight them.

 

Kyungsoo didn’t think that something so lucky could happen in his life. He gave up on anything positive ever happening a long time ago, so as soon as they got to the entrance of Jongdae’s house, Kyungsoo pulled him into a very tight embrace, hands balling into the fabric of the other’s shirt. Jongdae didn’t pull away or push him off, but simply wrapped his arms around the smaller, nose digging into Kyungsoo’s shoulder and a soft sigh escaping himself.

 

They stood there for a while, not wanting to let the other go.

 

 

 

༺༒༻

 

 

 

The weekend rolled around, and thankfully Kyungsoo’s mother didn’t force him to hang out with family today. He much preferred walking around the park, watching kids play and enjoy the freedoms of childhood. Somewhere in the back of his mind he hopes none of them have to deal with what he’s been through.

 

He sat at a bench by the playground, staring up at the treetops and the clouds beyond them. The birds sang their song and he hummed along, feeling the tenseness of his shoulders relax, and for once this week, he felt peaceful.

 

A pair of hands lightly dropped onto his shoulders, patting softly with a chuckle following. “You look ready to fall asleep.”

 

Kyungsoo tilted his back all the way to see Junmyeon smiling down at him, removing his hands from Kyungsoo’s shoulders and sitting down next to him. “Why all alone? And looking like a pedo at the playground?”

 

Kyungsoo smacked the elder’s arm, “I just wanted to get out of the house for a bit.”

 

“Your mom again?”

 

Kyungsoo sighed lightly and stared back up at the sky. “Nah, not this time.”

 

Junmyeon hummed in response, staring up and trying to find where Kyungsoo was looking. “I hear the others wanted to hang out today, but I don’t think anyone’s gone out yet.”

 

“Why don’t you call them up and hang out with them then?”

 

Junmyeon shrugged, “I don’t really want to bother them. Besides, even if I do get them all to go out, I wouldn’t really know what to do.” He chuckled, glancing at the raven haired, “I’m not really leader material, I’m more of a follower.”

 

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes with a huff, “You may not be a leader but you are a mom. Use your mom abilities to make them do shit.”

 

The other scoffed, pushing Kyungsoo slightly. “I’m not a mom, shut up.”

 

They sat there for a few more minutes, watching kids run around and kicking back any ball that crosses their path. Kyungsoo knew Junmyeon wanted to say something but couldn’t, and Kyungsoo didn’t know what to say, if he wanted to say anything at all. There was so much to tell, but at the same time he didn’t trust Junmyeon to that extent yet. Not saying he didn’t trust him at all, but he didn’t know him as well as he knew Jongdae, despite Junmyeon talking his ear off multiple times about his life and his dreams and aspirations. He knew a lot about Junmyeon; born in Gangnam, had a pretty calm childhood despite growing up as a “baby genius”, always had money even if the family felt poor. His hobby is watching cartoons, he really, really likes Pokemon, his jokes are horrible, and his dream job since he was little was to be some kind of therapist.

 

Though Kyungsoo still considered Junmyeon a close friend and still loved him, there were a few things that he deemed a little too personal to openly admit.

 

Junmyeon had opened his mouth to say something but got cut off by his phone ringing, and to Kyungsoo’s personal relief, had gotten up and walked off to answer the call. Kyungsoo felt the slight urge to get up too, but decided to wait a few more minutes in case Junmyeon returned. Instead Junmyeon waved goodbye to the raven haired and walked off, still on the phone and, Kyungsoo guessed, on his way to meet up with someone. Kyungsoo decided to start walking around, cutting his way through the playground and walking across the field. He didn’t really think about where he was going, but felt like something drew him to the edge of the park, behind the hill and close to the vine-infested gate. The area was familiar, he and the others used to come here often to escape school or home. He walked along the edge, in his sight a large shady tree with low hanging branches, and the closer he got the more his heart started to pound, he didn’t understand why.

 

He stood below its branches, eyes scanning the leaves and bark, finding old markings the boys left over the months, and the even older ones from some of them who’ve been friends before Kyungsoo knew them. Some of them had lame quotes that they had heard over time, others were drawings of all of them together, which were actually stick figures with defining features for each person.  
Kyungsoo looked even lower, looking at a piece of old gum and noticed something carved on the other side of the tree. He walked around its roots, crouching down and running a thumb over the words to get rid of the bits of dirt and moss so he could actually read it. All that was there were the words “dig” and an arrow pointing down. His eyebrows knitted together in confusion, hands subconsciously moving to the ground to dig his fingers into the dirt. He didn’t really care about the dirt and mud that got under his nails or onto his sleeves, or the bugs he scooped out of the way, his curiosity was much stronger than his concern and he had a feeling he knew what he was going to find, but he had no idea what was hidden beneath.

 

His fingers hit a hard surface, and immediately Kyungsoo knew it wasn’t a root. He dug wider, finding a corner and pulling until he was able to pull the whole object out. It was a small box, an ugly beige in color and undecorated. It looked like it wasn’t buried for long, but it wasn’t put there recently. Kyungsoo dusted as much dirt off of it and himself as he could before securing it into his pocket and walking out of the park. He decided he’d take a look at it when he got home. Kyungsoo took out his phone to check the time and saw he had gotten a message from Jongin.

 

 **Jongetsome:** Hey hyung, meet me at the burger place near the library  
**Jongetsome:** let’s eat together~

 

Luckily Kyungsoo wasn’t too late in replying, and decided to have lunch with Jongin before heading home. The library wasn’t too far from the park, maybe about a five minute walk, so he made his way out and down the block. He passed the library and continued his walk down and across the street until he saw Jongin standing outside the diner. The brunette waved at him excitedly and Kyungsoo couldn’t help the smile that spread on his face and waved back.

 

“I’m glad you made it! I hope I’m not interrupting any plans you had,” Jongin scratched his neck, a small smile gracing his lips as a hand places itself on Kyungsoo’s shoulder and guides him inside. They order their food, pay and sit down. Not even a few minutes later their food is brought to them and they dig in.

 

“So, what made you want to invite me out to eat?” Kyungsoo asked around a mouthful of burger.

 

The younger shrugged, “Why not? I heard from Junmyeon you were at the park and I was down by the river so I thought I’d ask.”

 

“...You were hungry and hoping I paid, weren’t you?”

 

“What?? No,” Jongin sing-songed and shoved a few fries into his mouth with a grin.

 

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help but mirror the younger’s grin. “You know, we haven’t been hanging out too much lately. Why is that?”

 

Jongin’s smile faltered for a second, but never fell, putting his food down for a second and fixing his hair. “Just a lot on my mind and I didn’t want to bother anyone. Hey hyung, you do know what day it is today, don’t you?”

 

Kyungsoo cocked his head to the side, an eyebrow raised curiously. “Saturday?”

 

Jongin shook his head with a chuckle, but it sounded sullen and coy. “No. It’s the three month anniversary of Chanyeol’s death.”

 

Kyungsoo’s face fell, fingers digging slightly into the buns of his burger. “Oh.”

 

The raven haired decided not to say anything about it. He knew Jongin wasn’t too attached to Chanyeol to begin with, but they seemed to get along just fine. It brought Kyungsoo’s attention back to the day they received the news, when the whole table fell silent, when no one dared say anything, but when Jongin approached the table and asked, all he had to say was “Oh, I heard. It’s.. sad.”

 

He couldn’t understand, doesn’t understand, why Jongin brushed it off like it was no big deal. One of their friends died and Jongin didn’t care? Does he care? Does he have the capacity to genuinely care about others? He seemed to care about Kyungsoo, but since he thought about it, it felt like the only one he did care about was Kyungsoo. But why?

 

The silence was hurting Kyungsoo’s brain, all the thoughts rushing in and out and he couldn’t eat anymore. He stared at his food as if it was the enemy and Jongin continued to eat without a care in the world, as if reminding his friend of this day was like reminding him it was his dog’s birthday. Doubts and arguments lit his brain on fire and he felt as if he was about to have a panic attack right at this moment. Memories of the days Chanyeol and Jongin sat as far away from each other as they could, remembering all the looks exchanged with each other whenever Chanyeol talked to Kyungsoo, as if they thought he never saw them.

 

He saw it, he saw all of it.

 

He remembered the days Chanyeol didn’t come to school, which happened to be days Jongin donned new bruises across his arms and probably all over his body. He remembered the cuts that seemed to twin the ones on Chanyeol’s arms, the way Chanyeol felt ashamed and quiet whenever Kyungsoo asked him in private. He remembered the days toward the end where Chanyeol almost stuck Kyungsoo and Baekhyun by his sides and stayed quiet, while Jongin never even came to the table during lunch.

 

He remembered the dream and the box and something in Kyungsoo’s mind snapped.

 

He stood up from the table, not a word leaving his mouth as he left the diner, one hand balled into a fist in his pocket while the other gripped the box tightly. He made no stops, just kept walking even if he shouldn’t have. He crossed streets when he wasn’t supposed to and instead of going home he headed to Jongdae’s house.

 

He rang the doorbell a few times and waited, foot tapping against the porch impatiently until Jongdae opened the door with a confused face. “Kyungsoo? What’s up?”

 

Kyungsoo licked his lips and tried to say something, but instead shook his head and let himself in. “Come on.” Jongdae furrowed his brows and closed the door before following Kyungsoo to his own bedroom, closing the door behind him. “Now what the hell are you-”

 

“Jongdae, do you remember any weird shit going on with Jongin and Chanyeol before he died?”

 

Jongdae was surprised by the other’s question, unsure of how to answer, but let his mind drift back to those days. “All I remember is that they had beef, but I don’t know why.”

 

Kyungsoo took the box out of his pocket and set it on the floor, flicking the lock on it and opening it up. Inside were pieces of paper, some had drawings on them. Kyungsoo unfolded every piece of paper before looking at any of them, putting the drawings aside and taking a deep breath. “I found this buried by the tree, you know the one we always went to?” Jongdae nodded. “This might sound weird but the day we went to the comic store, I fell asleep during class and had a dream about Chanyeol. He said he buried a box by the tree, and..”

 

“And you actually found it. That’s… that sounds so ridiculous but the fact that you actually found something from a dream is incredible!” Jongdae stared at Kyungsoo and the box with wide eyes, sitting down on the floor and looking at the drawings that were set aside. “How in the hell did he tell you? And why you?”

 

Kyungsoo shook his head, lips pressed into a thin line. “I think he wanted to tell me because it has something to do with Jongin.”

 

Jongdae stared at him incredulously, “Jongin? Why Jongin?”

 

The raven haired looked up at his best friend. “You just said it yourself they had some beef. Remember when I told you Chanyeol might’ve been cutting?” Jongdae nodded. “I saw some cuts on Jongin that were in the exact same places Chanyeol had them. And I remember one time I caught them fighting behind the school.” Kyungsoo picked up one of the pieces of paper and read the note aloud, not waiting for a response from the other.

 

_“It happened again. He did it again. He wasn’t alone this time. They ganged up on me and forced me to the ground. They couldn’t stop kicking, all of the pain just meshed together and I felt so numb. They broke a few ribs. I got lucky, one of my ribs almost pierced a lung but it missed by a few centimeters. What am I supposed to tell the others about why I was gone? What do I do?”_

 

Jongdae covered his mouth in shock, eyes wide and full of concern and confusion. “That’s Chanyeol’s writing? How do you know?”

 

“After all the little notes he’d pass in choir, I think I’d know his writing by now.” Kyungsoo picked up another paper and started reading.

 

_“He’s a persistent fucker. I didn’t know his family had ties with the neighborhood gang. Fuck, what do I do? All this just because he doesn’t like the way I talk with someone else? Just because I’m closer friends with someone than he is with them? My parents are going to kill me if they find out what I’ve gotten into… but it’s not even my fault! I hate him so much…”_

 

They continued to read each paper out loud, Jongdae reading the next one with shaky hands.

 

_“They shot at me this time. Thank god they didn’t hit me, but jesus fucking christ they fucking shot at me!! What the fuck is this guy’s problem?! He’s fucking insane!  
I can’t be weak, though. He can try anything he wants, but he can’t break me. He can’t tell me what to do with my own life. If he wants to be close to Kyungsoo then he can just fucking talk to him. Why doesn’t he?? If this keeps up.. I’m afraid for the others. What will he do with them?”_

 

Jongdae stared at Kyungsoo, tears ready to stream down his cheeks. “If he really is talking about Jongin… Kyungsoo, I’m your best friend. What if he comes after me?”

 

Kyungsoo shook his head, picking up another piece of paper. “I won’t let him Jongdae, trust me. But none of these say it’s Jongin, so we can’t be sure.”

 

“Does anyone else in the group know about any of this?”

 

“I’m not sure,” Kyungsoo scanned the papers on the floor again, biting the inside of his cheek. “We can always ask, it’s still early. We can invite them over or something.”

 

Jongdae nodded slowly. “Yeah, we can… Any ideas on who would be most likely to know?”

 

“Know what?” Another voice filtered into the room and the two turned their heads to the door.

 

Baekhyun stood in the doorway, closing it behind him before sitting down across from the other two. “Your mom let me in, Dae. You both look like you just saw a ghost, is everything alright?”

 

Jongdae gave Kyungsoo a look as the raven haired sighed, taking a moment to explain the whole situation to the pink haired boy. Baekhyun’s face grew pale and his eyes dimmed, and as Kyungsoo finished explaining he let out a dry laugh.

 

“I knew about most of that. It’s true, it was Jongin who did all of this. He got jealous of Chanyeol talking to you. Jongin wanted you all for himself, so he bullied Chanyeol for over a month. Every day it got worse.” He paused as all the memories washed over him, willing the tears back and swallowed to make sure his voice didn’t crack. “His cousin is in a gang. He got him and his friends to do his dirty work, and even paid them to do it. They beat him up, shot at him, stabbed him, you name it.”

 

“Wait, so why did he have the same cuts Jongin did?” Jongdae cocked his head to the side with furrowed brows. Baekhyun shook his head and heaved a sigh.

 

“Jongin is insane. When Yeol blacked out he’d cut into his arm and then his own arm as a mark of territory. It was to remind Chanyeol that he was his bitch.”

 

Kyungsoo didn’t want to believe any of what Baekhyun was saying. Jongin was always so super nice to him, and caring, so why? Why did he do all of this? Why did it have to be about him?

 

Somewhere in the back of his mind he screamed at himself. It was his fault Chanyeol was dead. It was his fault. If he didn’t get close to Chanyeol he would still be alive. He would still be here. Instead of him sitting here, Chanyeol would be, and they’d be laughing and having fun and Kyungsoo would be stuck at home in his room because this was all his fault.

 

The voices were yelling, shouting, screaming, and Kyungsoo couldn’t remember when or how, but he was laying on the floor, Jongdae on top of him, yelling in his face but he couldn’t make out the words, while Baekhyun was by his side, trying to pry a pair of scissors out of his hands but Kyungsoo had a death grip on them. Why was Jongdae yelling? What happened? Why did Baekhyun look ready to cry?

 

What happened?

 

Baekhyun finally got the scissors away and threw them across the room, and Jongdae finally stopped yelling so loudly but everything was still hazy in Kyungsoo’s mind and all he could hear were those damned voices like a mantra, _“it’s your fault, it’s your fault”_. Kyungsoo had no control over himself as tears flowed down his face like a river during a storm, fast and unrelenting, and he couldn’t breathe even though he was taking in heaps of air through broken gasps. Jongdae pulled him up and held him close, Baekhyun rubbing Kyungsoo’s back and hands running through his hair soothingly, and Kyungsoo couldn’t make sense of anything that was going on, but he felt selfish, because they were talking about Chanyeol, and yet the attention is on himself. He felt out of place, as if he wasn’t allowed to feel like this, but he did and it just fueled his tears to keep coming, for his heart to keep beating erratically, for his gasps to come back out as cries he never knew he was able to produce. It had been years since he cried out loud, and it felt weird and foreign but it felt like something had been lifted and it was at that moment he realized how grateful he was to have these two as friends.

 

He loved them both so much and he loved Chanyeol as much as he loved them.

 

He had finally calmed down after a while and felt ashamed for acting the way he did, so he excused himself to the bathroom and just sat there. His thoughts weren’t as active as they were earlier, his mind went into intervals of blanks to trying to remember what he couldn’t. He didn’t understand how he ended up that way, or why he had no control over his own body. Did that happen more often than he thought? Was something wrong with him? He breathed in, calming his thoughts down again before he did something he didn’t like. Kyungsoo pulled up his sleeve and counted the scabbed cuts on his arm.

 

Fifteen? Didn’t he have twelve on this arm? He checked the other to make sure he had eleven, just like he remembered, but to his dismay there was also another set of fifteen.

 

His mind felt hazy. So this happened more often than he thought. Were there any triggers? What could they be? What if he blanks out again and it gets worse? What if…?

 

What if one day he blanks out and kills himself?

 

He shook his head and hit himself in the chest. No, stop it, that won’t happen. He took in another shaky breath and slowly let it out. A soft knock came from the door followed by Baekhyun’s voice, “Kyungsoo, come here.. You need to read this.”

 

Kyungsoo slowly made his way out of the bathroom, walking down the hall and back into Jongdae’s room. Jongdae was sitting where Kyungsoo originally was, holding a piece of paper almost tight enough to crumple it. He looked up at the raven haired and motioned him to sit down. “This was tucked inside a flap on the inside of the box. I… You just need to read it.”

 

Kyungsoo carefully took the paper, glancing at the other two before scanning the words and reading it to himself.

 

_“This is it. This is the last note I’ll write. Who knows if anyone will even find these. I’ll put them all in a box and bury them, maybe by the tree we all go to. If Jongin finds these first then no one will know… but if someone else finds them, please help me. Help stop all of this. I might not make it past this week. If this keeps going.. I’m done. If this is found after I’m gone just know that I did this myself. I was led to do it. There’s no other way to escape. If someone finds this, tell them, tell my friends, Baekhyun, Jongdae, Kyungsoo, Junmyeon, Sehun, Yixing, Minseok… tell them I love all of them. Tell them who did this, who led me to this. I don’t want to suffer anymore… This is goodbye.”_

 

Kyungsoo put the paper down carefully, as if it was the most fragile thing in the world. His heart ached, his whole chest was wracked in pain. He couldn’t stop the sobs that escaped, but they were soft and subtle and he actually had control over himself. He calmed himself down before something hit him. If Baekhyun knew about this, why didn’t he say anything about it to begin with?

 

Kyungsoo quickly sat up and faced his pink haired friend, “If you knew about all of this why didn’t you stop it? Did you even try??”

 

Baekhyun was taken aback by the others accusatory tone, actually taking a step back from offense. “I didn’t completely know at the time,” he retorted. “Chanyeol didn’t tell me everything and he didn’t want me to get involved. Don’t make me out as the bad guy just because you didn’t know!”

 

“Then how did you know the rest of the story?” Kyungsoo’s voice softened, more curious now than angry.

 

Baekhyun turned his eyes away, rubbing his arm anxiously. “I-.. he told me, the same day he died. I was with him, at his house and.. He just let it all out. After that he told me to go home and he never answered his phone after I left.” He was shaking, trying not to cry but he couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down his face. Jongdae got up immediately and pulled him into a tight embrace, nuzzling his face into the other’s pink hair.

 

Kyungsoo was more confused now than he was in his whole life. If Chanyeol killed himself.. then how was he involved in a car accident? What actually happened? What doesn’t anyone else know? Who does know?

 

Who does know?

 

There’s only one answer.

 

Kyungsoo bit his lip, thinking through every possible scenario of what could go wrong before facing his friends. “I’m going to talk to Jongin.”

 

They both stared at him as if he just grew wings. Kyungsoo shifted his weight slightly, unsure if this was his pseudo-confidence talking or if Jongin’s insanity was rubbing off on him. Going to talk to Jongin about all of this was like swimming straight into the shark’s mouth, and whether Kyungsoo comes out dead or alive is completely up to luck. He needs to know, he needs the proof that Jongin knows so something can finally be done. He bit his lip harder before shaking away the doubts.

 

“I’m going to invite him to the park. I’ll keep you guys on the phone when I get there, try to record all of it if you can. If anything goes down, call the police and tell them where we’re at.”

 

“Are you fucking insane?!” Jongdae let go of Baekhyun to grab Kyungsoo by the shoulders and shake him. “Do you understand what might happen?!”

 

The raven haired shrugged his friend’s hands off of him and stared him in the eye, more sure of himself than he’s ever been. “Jongdae, I have nothing in my life I’ve ever been proud of. But this… I can finally do something that might help us, Chanyeol, finally be at peace. Jongin adores me to the point he wants me all for himself, so I’m going to give him that offer. If this works out then.. Him and his cousin will be gone and we can all rest easy for once in our lives.”

 

“Let someone go with you,” Baekhyun suggested. “Like.. like Minseok, or Sehun, or… I heard Yifan is in town with Yixing, I’m sure he’d help out.”

 

Kyungsoo took a minute to think. Maybe Baekhyun was right, maybe backup was needed, but then that would mean Jongin could become violent, and he didn’t want to risk the others’ lives. “We could call them up for help, but they’d have to stay back so Jongin thinks it’s only me and him. That’s the only way I’d be able to get him to talk.”

 

“He’s right,” Jongdae looked at Baekhyun. “More people mean more threats. We need Jongin completely off guard.”

 

“Let’s call Minseok and Yixing. I don’t want Sehun to be involved and have mixed feelings about this. He’s pretty close with Jongin already, we can’t risk him being the first casualty.”

 

They both nodded, each calling up another member of the group as Kyungsoo continued to think of backup plans just in case. If everything went smoothly, they would have enough evidence to keep Jongin under check and staying as far away from their group as possible. If everything went wrong… 

 

Someone could die.

 

It took about half an hour for everyone to get there, and Kyungsoo thought this was a horrible circumstance to introduce yourself in person for Yifan. He was nothing like Kyungsoo imagined him to be; a full head and a half taller than him, dirty blonde dyed hair, huge hands that were probably bigger than his face—the only thing Kyungsoo did imagine correctly was his horrible sense of style.

 

He filled the three of them in on what was going on, and after he introduced his plan, Minseok shook his head. “He’s gonna know something’s up. You said you just walked away from him at the diner, right? He probably knows he struck a nerve with you and if you tell him you want to talk to him he’ll already know what it’d be about.”

 

Minseok was right, and Kyungsoo felt stupid for not thinking that part through. Of course Jongin would already know, but what’s the problem in him knowing what the conversation would be about?

 

“He’d avoid all questions and try to change the topic-”

 

“Or, he’d give too much information,” Yifan added. “He’s probably proud of what he’s done, and would probably tell you all the damn details about it. I had a friend who overshared too many details about times he’d kill animals and it turned out he was a minor sociopath.”

 

“Okay, so he shares everything, and we record everything, what do we do afterwards?” Jongdae asked. “Do we call the cops or do we go to them and tell them? Would they even believe us?”

 

“We have to hope they do,” Yixing sighed. “The police department here might be fucked up but they’d still try to help, right?”

 

“We have evidence here in the box, and the recording if we do this right. Why wouldn’t they believe us?” Kyungsoo looked at the others, more worry than confidence written all over his face.

 

“Because sadly, we’re ‘just kids’. No one would believe us if we said our friend was a sociopath,” Minseok sighed, leaning his head back against the wall.

 

“So what are we even supposed to do? We can’t let him go knowing what he did and be okay with it!” Baekhyun balled his fists, jaw clenching to try to stop himself from lashing out for no reason. Jongdae placed a hand on the other boy’s arm to calm him down. Kyungsoo stayed relatively quiet, trying to think around every obstacle before a darker thought came through before he could stop it.

 

“What if we did to him what he did to Chanyeol?”

 

The others stared at him, eyes wide and dark and Kyungsoo knew he shouldn’t have let it escape. He didn’t bother to look up at the others in fear they were judging him harshly, and he didn’t want to see the disappointment in their eyes.

 

“...It’s a possibility,” he heard Yifan mutter, and he couldn’t help the surprise on his face when he looked over at the taller boy. “I mean, he completely fucked Chanyeol up to the point he killed himself to escape. Why don’t we give him a taste of his own medicine?”

 

“Because what Jongin did was illegal,” Minseok replied. “And we’re above that.”

 

“You might be, but I’m not,” Kyungsoo sighed. “I’m already a piece of shit, why not be a petty piece of shit?”

 

Minseok didn’t reply, only gave the younger a sympathetic look. Kyungsoo stood up, heaved in a sigh, and looked around the room. “So, even though I know Jongin will know what’s up, I’m still going with the original plan. You guys,” he pointed to Minseok and Yifan, “can come as backup, the others can stay here and record the conversation once I call them. Stay on target and if anything happens, call the cops. If Jongin does anything to hurt or kill me, it’ll give them more of a reason to arrest him.”

 

“You’re fucking crazy,” Jongdae sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I’m going with you, too. I don’t want to feel useless even if I am here to help.”

 

“We all should go,” Baekhyun perked up, “I want to see that bastard be taken away. Why don’t we inform the cops and have them in on it too?”

 

“Because he’ll already be suspicious, and if there’s anyone that fucks up on the cops’ end then we’ll have wasted everyone’s time,” Minseok pointed out, stretching his arms over his head. “What are you waiting for then, Kyungsoo? Invite him to the park, let’s get this shit over with already.”

 

And with that, Kyungsoo messaged Jongin, got a reply from him accepting the invitation, and the six boys were off. The sun was setting behind the trees and the clouds seemed to have gathered ominously on the opposite side of the horizon, slowly inching their way to take over the sky. Jongin stood at a bench table shackled to a tree, one that was frequented many times by families and the group to eat lunch or rest, and the boys skittered around the park, hiding in plain sight. Yixing took his phone out, ready to record as Kyungsoo approached the younger boy waiting for him.

 

“Hey,” the raven haired greeted with a sniffle, and Jongin couldn’t help the smile that spread on his face. How disgusting.

 

“Hey there. Mind explaining what happened earlier?” Jongin sat down, and Kyungsoo rounded about the table to sit on the other side of him.

 

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo rubbed the back of his head. “I’m sorry about that, I kinda blanked out there.”

 

“Oh,” Jongin snorted. “I thought it had something to do with me bringing up Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo tensed visibly, and Jongin’s smile seemed to darken when he noticed. “I’m glad you care as little about him as I do.”

 

“Who said that?” Kyungsoo replied, tilting his head slightly with furrowed brows. “I never said I didn’t care. And why don’t you care?”

 

The younger brunette frowned a bit, biting the inside of his cheek. Kyungsoo knew he wasn’t going to say anything right off the bat—especially to him. “Because I never did. He was an asshole.”

 

“An asshole, how?”

 

“Listen, I don’t want to talk about this, okay? I wanted to talk about you.” Jongin was growing annoyed and Kyungsoo impatient. But the raven haired knew he had to keep his cool and ease into it. He couldn’t back down.

 

“But I want to talk about it. How was he an asshole? Why didn’t you like him?” Kyungsoo folded his arms on the table, making sure they were in a comfortable position in case he needed to bring them up to defend himself.

 

The brunette huffed, clearly annoyed. “I didn’t like him because he liked you. He was an asshole because he kept rubbing it in my face. I’m glad he’s dead.”

 

Kyungsoo swallowed, staring Jongin in the eye. Now that the topic of his death had been brought up, he could go deeper into Jongin’s intentions. “That’s a really rude thing to say, Jongin. If anything, Chanyeol just wanted to be friends with everyone, including you, but you never let him. If you hated him for liking me, what about the others?”

 

“The others bother me too,” Jongin admitted, running an anxious hand through his hair. “I hate the fact that they’re close to you, especially Jongdae. But the way you were impacted by Chanyeol’s death-” The younger shut his mouth with wide eyes before he could say anymore, eyes darting back and forth nervously.

 

Kyungsoo leaned forward, cocking his head to the side. “What about the way his death affected me? Did you have something to do with it?” Kyungsoo spoke the last part in hushed tones, but loud enough for the others and their phones to catch. Jongin stared at his hands, fidgeting a bit before looking up at Kyungsoo with empty eyes and chuckling hoarsely.

 

“Of course I did, my dear Kyungsoo. I made sure I drove him insane. I made sure he was beaten and tortured enough that I didn’t have to do the dirty work of finishing him off.” The brunette leaned back, arms spread out to his sides as if he was showing Kyungsoo the world. “That’s why he walked into the street. That’s why he made sure he stepped right in front of an eighteen wheeler, so there was no chance he survived. He gave you up to me, Kyungsoo. Now you’re all mine-”

 

Kyungsoo stood suddenly, arms braced against the table and eyebrows furrowed so deep you couldn’t even tell he had double eyelids. “I am _not_ yours, Jongin. Never in this life, and any other lives, will I ever be yours.” The raven haired whistled, and in turn the rest of the boys gathered around the table, making sure there was no way Jongin could escape. Jongin stared around with wide eyes, panic written all over his face and hands gripping the table until his knuckles turned white.

 

“What the hell is going on? Why are you all here, Kyungsoo what the fuck is going on!?”

 

Kyungsoo stared at Jongin, moving away from the table and standing next to Yifan. “We have all the evidence we need now. We know what you did to him. Yixing,” he looked up to the older raven haired, “call the cops-”

 

“Are you really that stupid?” Jongin crossed his arms over his chest, an ugly grin plastered onto his face. “You really think the cops will do anything?” He held Kyungsoo’s gaze for a few heartbeats, and Kyungsoo could feel a bead of sweat rolling down his temple. “Tae! Stop playing hide and seek, let’s play a new game!”

 

Minseok, Yifan, and Jongdae looked at each other confused, but Baekhyun held his breath, tightly grabbing onto Jongdae’s sleeve with a whisper, “His cousin…”

 

Kyungsoo heard a click, multiple clicks, and his blood ran cold when he felt the cold steel barrel of a gun pressed to the back of his head. He looked around to see three more people with guns aimed at his friends, and it took his whole being to will the panic down. He didn’t plan for this, he didn’t think they would be here.

 

What is he going to do now?

 

Jongin rose from his seat, walking around the table to Kyungsoo and lifting the other’s chin with a finger. “You really thought I didn’t know what you wanted to talk about? Today of all days.. You’re lucky you’re mine, or else I’d have to kill you. Too bad for the others, though.” The sickest grin spread across the brunette’s face and Kyungsoo could feel the bile rise to the back of his throat. Tears were already streaming down Baekhyun’s face; Kyungsoo felt horrible, he didn’t want to drag anyone else into this mess, and if anyone got hurt it’d be his fault.

 

His fault, all over again.

 

Kyungsoo swallowed back the bile and grit his teeth. No, he can’t let anyone else down again. He can’t let Baekhyun down, he can’t let the group down—he can’t let Chanyeol down. Not like this.

 

He jerked his head to the side to get Jongin’s finger off of him, baring his teeth at the younger. If he made the wrong move someone could die, but if he planned this right he could somehow get the others to run and let himself be the one to risk himself. He needed to get the others out of here. Kyungsoo looked over at his friends and noticed Minseok staring off to the left; the entrance of the park. Was he planning on running? Or was he waiting for something to happen?

 

Behind him Kyungsoo could feel the gun being lowered as the man behind him scoffed. “Jongin, this is taking way too long. Are we gonna kill these asswads or not?”

 

“You’re so impatient, Taemin,” Jongin sighed. “If you wanna kill someone so bad, start off with the pink haired pussy behind me.”

 

Kyungsoo stiffened, blood running cold as he heard Taemin laugh, raising the gun right beside the raven haired’s face and aimed at Baekhyun. The other began to cry, holding Jongdae’s shirt even tighter, almost to the point of ripping it. Kyungsoo couldn’t let them have their way, and he didn’t know if it was a sudden rush of courage or if he was just stupid, but he grabbed the barrel of the gun and placed it back behind his head.

 

“I can’t let you do that. If you want to kill someone, kill me.”

 

“Oh for the love of-” Jongin ran an impatient hand over his face. “Put your fucking gun down, if he wants to die so badly then I’ll do it myself.” The brunette pulled a gun out of the side of the hem of his pants, and Kyungsoo couldn’t believe he didn’t notice it before. The image before him seemed so surreal; Jongin, a boy he considered a close friend, a friend he had genuinely liked and thought that he never wanted him to ever leave his life, standing in front of him with a gun, staring at him with eyes empty yet full of so much evil. What had happened in his life to cause any of this to happen? Why did he want Kyungsoo so badly? He couldn’t understand why all of this was his fault. After all, enough horrible things had happened to him when he was growing up, weren’t they all supposed to get better? Wasn’t everything supposed to get better if you just had patience? Hope?

 

It was all a lie. Everyone who told him that were liars. Did they even know the pain he’s been through? Did they even understand what his mental state was like? Had they ever experienced at least part of the pain he has to at least understand what he’s gone through? Did they only ever say that to shut him up?

 

Little by little Kyungsoo’s resolve was slipping. He was ready to die, ready to just give everything up, but something was screaming, beckoning him not to drown and whatever it was filled him with a familiar warmth he hadn’t felt in a while. He took a slow breath, closing his eyes and a whisper of a deep voice that was so familiar that he knew it couldn’t be anyone else could be heard, as if he was standing right in front of it.

 

“You said you wanted to accomplish something in life. Why are you giving up now? I believe in you. We all do. We never gave up on you. Even if you do the littlest of things, we always appreciate it, we always appreciate you. We love you… I love you, Soo.”

 

It felt like the moment he opened his eyes Jongin saw something that made him stop dead in his tracks. He was still staring Kyungsoo in the eye, but his expression changed, as if he was scared, as if he was threatened. Jongin saw something behind Kyungsoo’s eyes that he knew all too well, but he had thought he had finally gotten rid of those few month ago. Ever so slightly the gun in the brunette’s hands wavered, and Kyungsoo knew it was his chance.

 

He grabbed the barrel of the gun, pulled it forward and placed it against his forehead. “What happened? I thought you were going to kill me yourself. Are you pussying out now?”

 

The other’s stared at him, either in awe or in fear, but either way it spurred Kyungsoo on. He pulled at the gun again, and Jongin seemed to have started breathing heavily, as if he was starting to panic. The men with the guns watched with knitted brows, confusion written all over their faces while two of them dropped their guns. Kyungsoo took a quick glance at Yifan, Minseok, and Jongdae before shouting “Now!!”

 

Yifan swung an elbow back and hit one of the men square in the face, while Jongdae grabbed the arm of another and twisted it until the gun fell out of his grip. Minseok struck Taemin right in the stomach, causing him to double over, but to the smaller’s dismay he didn’t drop the gun. Minseok rushed at him again and out of Kyungsoo’s line of sight. Baekhyun pulled Yixing out of the way of the fight and towards the sidelines, watching with nerves on end and Kyungsoo felt bad again for bringing them into this. He stood still in the same place, staring back at Jongin and holding the barrel, waiting for him to move but he never did. Jongin was stoic, breath heavy and short, and Kyungsoo wondered what had happened after he opened his eyes again. What did Jongin see?

 

The sound of two shots rang in the raven haired’s ears, one several heartbeats after the other, and Kyungsoo knew something went wrong. Slowly he turned to look back, expecting to see Minseok bleeding on the floor, dying. Though part of that was true, what Kyungsoo did see was Minseok bleeding from his arm, holding it to stop the bleeding though it was in vain. Taemin was the one who lied on the floor, bleeding out as a few pairs of policemen rushed towards the group and sudden relief rushed through Kyungsoo, his hand dropping from Jongin’s gun. Jongin’s hands dropped to the side, still standing there as one of the cops pulled the brunette’s arms behind him.

 

Kyungsoo wanted to fall over right there, but his feet dragged him over to Minseok, where the older boy was being tended to by another cop. Kyungsoo dropped his head onto the other’s shoulder, mumbling an “I’m sorry” while Minseok ran a hand over Kyungsoo’s head, reassuring him before he was escorted out of the park.

 

Jongin still had the same expression while the police cuffed him and walked him out of the park, and Kyungsoo still wondered what happened, but he was starting not to care anymore. It was finally done, with hardly any casualties on their side and all Kyungsoo wanted to do was go home and sleep. Baekhyun and Jongdae ran over to Kyungsoo, Baekhyun wrapping his arms around the younger’s shoulders with a cry while Jongdae smacked the back of Kyungsoo’s head with a sigh.

 

“You’re a fucking idiot, you know that?”

 

Kyungsoo gave him a lazy grin. “At least we got this done with.”

 

“We’re gonna have to report everything about this to the police tonight, you know that right?”

 

“Yeah, but they need to know about everything that happened. I feel horrible though,” Kyungsoo sniffed, “Minseok’s going to be in the hospital for god knows how long because of me.”

 

“Hey,” Jongdae rested a hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “You’re not the one who shot him, give yourself a break. We should head out with the cops so we can get all this shit out of the way.”

 

Kyungsoo nodded, giving Baekhyun a quick squeeze before Yifan and Yixing joined them, and together they all followed the policemen out to their cars and off to the police station.

 

 

 

༺༒༻

 

 

 

Three weeks had past since that day and everything had fallen back into the norm. School went on as usual, Kyungsoo’s grades were still horrible, and Minseok had been let out of the hospital the other day and even though he was wearing a sling it didn’t stop him from going back to soccer practice. Kyungsoo sat at their usual table by himself during lunch since he got there early, slouching against it with his chin on his bag.

 

Surprisingly Junmyeon was the first to get to the table, sitting down comfortably across from Kyungsoo with a smile. “So I talked to Mr. Choi just to say hi, and he said you’re passing most of your classes.”

 

Kyungsoo raised a brow. “Why is he talking to you about my grades?”

 

“He knows we’re friends and all I did was ask how you were doing in his class. He said you never paid attention to your grades so you probably didn’t know you were mostly passing.”

 

“And he’d be right, I didn’t even know I was over a 40 in any classes. Which is surprising since I don’t even get 40s like, ever.”

 

Junmyeon snorted, biting into his pizza. “You’re horrible.”

 

Kyungsoo shrugged, a smug grin on his face. “Thank you, I try.”

 

Jongdae, Baekhyun and Sehun joined the table after Kyungsoo’s last comment, and only a few minutes later did Yixing and Minseok arrive. Everything had become as normal as it could be, and Kyungsoo was happy. He was happy that no one was hurting anyone else within the group, happy that there were no more threats, happy that everyone else was happy.

 

For once in his life, Kyungsoo felt genuine happiness.

**Author's Note:**

>  **A/N:** I was listening to the Skyrim theme towards the end of the story and I think that made me rush into the hero shit, oops


End file.
